TMI warning: fighting flatulence

Posted on 14.01.2017


I’m lactose-intolerant. I  know this, my readers know this, and my husband DEFINITELY knows this. And lately (last year, all years since we moved here) I’ve really let myself go in terms of foods I should be avoiding but don’t because they taste good.

I’ll usually allow myself to have pizza. I prefer to never be without it. But I should really only be eating the Grana Padano or Parmesan pizza, rather than the Quattro Formaggi ones. Because I know better. I DO. But sometimes it just can’t be helped.

This year, I need to get my shit together and stop having embarrassing situations where I ate something that had milk powder in it, passed gas and then quickly ran out of the room/space before people figured out who did it.

I had a really, really SEVERELY embarrassing situation last year that included my mother- and sister-in-law in a shoe shop, and a helpful attendant, where it was SO BAD that I had to man up and apologize and tell them what just happened. They were really sweet and suffered through it. But it was really the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me, and I don’t want that to be my new normal.

img_5583My new calendar/diary has a monthly calendar in the front (which I would never use otherwise) and I’m using it to track what doesn’t agree with me.

The thing about my version of lactose intolerance is that it strikes quickly and almost immediately. So basically, the last thing I ate was most likely the culprit. This year I’m tracking everything that hurts or smells immediately and keeping a list of the things I should really not be ingesting… at least not in polite company.

Sadly, Goldfish crackers are at the top of the list. I’m trying to use January as a month for experimentation: basically, I’m eating everything that MIGHT be bad for me on its own to note the consequences, and possibly note it in my calendar. I’m trying to do it only when I’m at home or on days off, to avoid what might turn into a totally embarrassing situation that I can’t get out of.

Yesterday I added milk chocolate to the list. I knew it, but I had to check. For the sake of science. I am about to embark on the biggest exclusion diet. Goodbye, cheese-flavored products.

Posted in: diet, food, health, life, medical, TMI