Unrealistic sex scenes, just about everywhere (some TMI, you have been warned)

Posted on 24.06.2014

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I’ve watched a whole hell of a lot of TV shows and movies lately, and I feel the real need to ask this question.

What is up with the unrealistic sex scenes, EVERYWHERE?

This isn’t about the porn industry. This isn’t about unattainable conquests, faked orgasms, or the fact that the man is always on top, looking like he’s thrusting in the COMPLETE wrong spot, they climax at the same time (quickly) or the ridiculous amount of female moaning.

It’s about cleanup. It’s about AFTER, and before.

I have not seen a single scene in which a man stops to put on a condom BEFORE the act. And this leads me to the ‘after’:

MAD-MEN-e1330374566381I’m not sure about you guys, but I have a TON of experience in the ‘unprotected, monogamous sex’ department. The one thing that is NEVER shown in any of these apparently unprotected sex scenes is the aftermath. If you have missionary-style sex and actually climax INSIDE, a woman cannot sit up or stand up afterwards without a literal OUTPOURING of said climax, unless you faked it. GRAVITY. IT HAPPENS. That shit has nowhere to go, so it falls right out.

And if it happens when I’M on top? Then I have to grab the tissue and catch it after I pull off while running to the bathroom, trying not to spill all over the floor (thank goodness for hardwood), OR hover and let it drip out, THEN grab the tissue.

It’s laughable that I haven’t seen a single realistic sex scene in the thousands of hours of TV and film I’ve seen. It’s laughable that it’s not acknowledged. It’s laughable that all of this fake sex is even allowed to happen without any hint of any of this. I agree, it’s not sexy and my boyfriend and I joke about it as we’re going through this EVERY time we have sex. But if you’re going to feel the need to put it on TV, at least make it believable. This is the reason you see a roll of toilet paper or a box of tissues next to beds across America. No one’s nose runs THAT much.

This bothers me even more than the idea that women can climax from 3 thrusts in missionary position, at the exact same time a the man. I’ve had that, got that sometimes, ok… but this requires a HUGE suspension of disbelief. And if I’ve got to sit through a sex scene that SOMEONE thought was necessary, it may as well be believable before, during and after.

I’m sure others have noticed this, too, I just haven’t read about it from anyone and felt the need to bitch about it.

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Posted in: movies, sex, TV