North

Posted on 21.06.2012

0


I don’t usually like to write posts that are short-form, or which might lack a conclusion, but I feel the need to write this. My friends are at work, my boyfriend is asleep, and I’m flipping out.

It’s June, and I’ve been heavily fatigued for the past two weeks, thanks to the heat. And it’s ONLY June. It’s not August, or even July. It is June. I know that in comparison to Baltimore, it is much cooler than ‘normal’ (whatever normal happens to be), but after three years here, I’m starting to feel like this is not good or cool enough for me. That it’s not what I need.

I have a disease that is effected by heat. Yes, I could get an AC unit. And yes, I could totally walk around all day with my cooling vest on. But I shouldn’t have to. And an AC unit won’t keep me cool while I’m waiting for the bus, or walking to my office, or getting lunch or groceries.

Today as I was driving back from class, being pissed off about the fact that it was 6pm and I was already tired (and had to take a nap earlier in the day, thanks to the fatigue and NOT a lack of sleep), it occurred to me that I have control over this situation. I certainly can’t control the weather, but I can control where I live. And I need to stop denying it and start considering the idea that I might not be living in the right place for me.

If I want to live my life on my own terms, and be as active as I want to be, and keep my disease in check by NOT overheating, then I need to think about this more than I have been recently.

I think that I was thinking about it already, during the winter, when I was out running in the -13C weather. I was thinking about how great I felt, and how it could be year-round. I thought about how long it would take until I’d be benched from workouts due to the heat. I was getting hot in May. I’ll probably be shitty through September, from the looks of it. Five months off is NOT what I want.

Fuck.

Posted in: fitness, life, MS