Something you should know about me: I don’t give a shit what you think.

Posted on 20.01.2012

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A friend asked me a while ago if it was hard for me to not feel 100% ‘accepted’ in Germany. I told him that I hadn’t really ever thought of it like that, and if people didn’t ‘accept’ me over here, then I didn’t quite care. I’m here, and I’m happy, and that rocks.

Other people’s opinions don’t matter to me. It’s my life, and I do what makes me happy. People who have a problem with how I live my life can kindly fuck off. I love my friends, and most of my family, and they matter. Everyone else is unimportant.

I know that sounds majorly bitchy, but it’s true and I’m 100% unapologetic about it. My mom was also a major bitch, even if my friends didn’t see it. It was tough to grow up with her, as her oldest child, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

I spent most of my childhood and young adulthood getting hurt by ‘friends’ and kids in school who made fun of me, made me feel bad about myself, and told me I wasn’t good enough. It made me a major overachiever. But on the days when something shitty happened (which was most days, to tell you the truth: teenagers are CRUEL), I’d come home crying.

My mom would be in the living room, laying on the couch. She’d ask what was wrong, and I’d recount some story of a guy breaking up with me (this happened a LOT), or a girl who I thought was my friend being mean to me, or getting made fun of on the bus or at lunch.

Without fail, every single time, the words out of my mother’s mouth were:

He was stupid to break up with you. You were obviously too good for him.

They have no idea who they’re hurting, they’ll be sorry when your life is better than theirs when you’re older.

You’re better than those jerks and they don’t deserve to know you.

You don’t need that bs in your life.

They’re just jealous because you’re a better person than them. 

Why do you care what anyone else thinks? It’s your life. Do what makes you happy.

You’re better off without that asshole in your life. You don’t need his/her shit.

Even if I didn’t believe her at those moments, she said these things so often that they became truth. They became my own thoughts. And now I catch myself saying them to other people, and I believe it when I say it. I don’t even think.

I don’t let people treat me badly anymore, and if they do, then it’s over. No second chance, no apology necessary. Done and done, and no, you won’t see me later.  I don’t bother with people who don’t have my best interests in mind.

It was positive brainwashing and I’m thankful for it. I’m sad to see or hear people who HAVEN’T heard this enough in their lives, or even EVER, who are afraid of what people think, or of being hurt, or of being left behind, or laughed at.

Fuck all of that, and fuck anyone who doesn’t value you enough and hurts you.

This is one of my favorite songs from Garbage, and its message is one that everyone needs to hear at some point or another.

It’s songs like this that made me start making the Maneaters CDs for my girlfriends. Because if they don’t hear those things that my mom said to me said to them enough, then at least I know I’m saying it to them, repeatedly, twice a year and whenever they pop my mix in the player.

Stay Alive, my Loves ❤

The world doesn’t deserve you.

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Posted in: being awesome, life