random (and somewhat rambling) update, since I know you want to know exactly what I am doing at this very moment

Posted on 26.06.2011


and that, my lovely readers and friends, is not a damn thing.

It took a four-day weekend (which actually lasts until 5pm tomorrow, since that’s when I begin work;) Go ahead and hate me for that), but I am finally to the point today where there is NOTHING to do. And that’s pretty awesome.

Last night we made onigiri with some friends and I finally perfected the coveted triangle shape. This morning we woke up and rode into the city to meet up with Diana for some Yoga on Stadtstrand (city beach), which was an amazing class (I might have a new favorite yoga instructor!) and was followed by a buffet of Indian food for lunch. I find the Indian food after yoga wildly appropriate. Then we rode our bikes BACK home (it was a 23k, 1 hour, 20 minute round trip) and I immediately took a cold shower. This once again regulated my body temp perfectly, and I’ve been feeling great since then. Then I sat my ass on the couch and finished Neverwhere, which I highly recommend, and after that I watched the final two episodes of Law and Order SVU‘s season 2.

At this point, all I have left to do, if I even wanted to, is move more of my myspace blogs over to the new old news blog. And quite honestly, I’ve been thinking about that lately.


I’ve been thinking about it because of what I’m forcing myself to read, nay RELIVE, in order to move this blog from the confines of myspace to somewhere that will allow me to drop it neatly into a word document… and while I do love my life and wouldn’t change anything about how I did all of that back then, I think that there are some parts of me that maybe don’t require preservation.

When I was a teenager and I moved off to college, I had this crazy idea in my head that I would pack every single thing that was on my walls at home into neat boxes, in order to reconstruct the room at a later date in my very own house. Seriously, I still think that bedroom was amazing, but I definitely don’t feel that way anymore.

Accordingly, while I do think that I wrote some pretty intelligent stuff back then, sometimes (even when I was going through my definitely-almost-emo routine of only typing in the lower case, which is a major bitch to edit NOW), I don’t think that the trivialities of that life need to be preserved along with any nuggets of lucidity that I may or may not have had. Because of this, when I DO get back to moving the myspace blog, I’m going to just be straight deleting things rather than subjecting everyone to all parts of my life, all the time. Which is kind of the way I write nowadays anyway. It’s not necessarily revisionist history, but I do think that some things are better left in the past and not really worth the time. If that makes any sense.


I figured it would be best to sit with Neverwhere in my head tonight, rather than to begin my next book. So I’ll start a new book bright and early tomorrow, instead of right now.

Nothing of real note is really going on at the moment, although if you must know, René is totally playing a game with his best friend right now, and I find that pretty adorable.

AND today was the first day that I got to paint my nails since starting with the Harry Potter challenge. Look at that, it only took a month to quit them. It’s only clear for now and they’re still short, but I’ve never kept my nails exceedingly long. I expect them to be back to ‘normal’ in a month. Yes! Just in time for my trip to Cali 🙂


I’ve been thinking lately that there are so many things that are really just NOT important. The most recent thing for me has been my waxing situation. I ran into a problem on Friday, which was that I was at the end of my wax supply and it wouldn’t bind properly, so I was in kind of a waxy mess on the floor. Thankfully, because I only use sugar wax, it was mostly easy to clean up. By mostly, I mean better than if I’d used real wax that is NOT made from a sugar base. But I get myself SO worked up over getting that done, and seriously, who gives a shit? Sure, I want it perty for my boyfriend and when I go to the pool and all, but a quick trim with one of the three electric razors we’ve got in the bathroom or with an actual razor won’t kill me or fuck up my flow. Sure, it sucks waiting for it to be long enough after that to properly wax it, but in a hurry I’m not going to hate myself if I shaved it instead of waxing. Most people can’t even tell the difference and won’t be close enough to my junk to even notice. And René doesn’t seem to care.

I decided that, yesterday as I was cleaning myself off on the floor of the bathroom, this is just not that important.

I thought about waxing today, since we bought more wax yesterday, but fuckit, the hair will grow back and technically, the hair is too long to wax today anyways. So I have to shave this time and pay attention and not wait so long next time.

my life. Full of problems, right? THIS is the stuff I think about when I’m not planning Claes trips or my classes.

Although, I was thinking about something else today, and it came from this wonderful article by Cary Tennis from a few days ago: Real Life Work Shock (that’s really what the web address has in it, I find that humorous)

In it, the person asking for advice didn’t realize that grad school costs money, or that he (I think it’s a he) wouldn’t be able to find any paying assistant jobs. Which, to anyone (I’d think), is pretty ridiculous given today’s economy ON TOP OF the rising costs of education. Anyone that has done ANY research will tell you that the M to your FA is going to cost you WAY more money than the B did. Simple math. Colleges pride themselves on the undergrads they draw, but the graduates are already proven addicts, we’re going to pay whatever you want us to most likely.

So, although the guy’s question kind of pissed me off (there was a huge sense of entitlement to me in there, but that’s probably due to having worked in the Financial Aid office for so long at a college), I really loved Cary’s answer, which was, effectively, this:

Maybe no one is hiring professors NOW. But maybe in ten years, there is going to be a demand for trained teachers. So what can you do between then and now to plan for your future? Welcome to the real world. There’s what we went to school for, and what we have to do in order to survive after school. School only prepares you for MORE school, and not the real world.

That last part really struck me, because even in 2003 (0r 2002, it’s been a while), we were complaining to our department head in my major that there was nothing that we were doing aside from Flex studio that was even REMOTELY preparing us for the real world, and we were the ones that were supposed to ‘make it’. GD is supposed to be the ‘can’t fail’ major as far as art is concerned, or it was at the time. So there we were, being all kinds of whiny and bitchy when we were already learning a LOT more than any of the other students in that category.

I always tell people that you don’t go to art school to learn to make money. You go to art school because art is what you love to do and you can’t NOT do it. It’s the thing you’re best at. And that, to me, is still the truth. But I was thinking about all of this and that article the other day because, for me, teaching English is pretty close to my original goal, which was to teach at the college level.

On most days, I’m teaching at what feels like the community college level, but that doesn’t make a real difference. It’s more of an observation. I thoroughly enjoy teaching English. And my mind is starting to change about what I need to teach in order to feel fulfilled. My reason for this is pretty simple: to teach at an art college would most likely mean settling BACK in the US, which is not something I want to do. My major goal aside from ‘do everything I want to do’ was to travel. Teaching the world’s business language, a language that I am fortunate to call my mother tongue and speak fluently, will allow me to travel the world, settle (or live for however long I choose) wherever I want, and teach the good citizens to speak better English. So why would I stop doing that? English is my enabler.

And today, the idea came into my head that I could also, if I felt the need, become a Yoga teacher. This doesn’t seem like a great option to me because it would take time away from my JNK training (which will always be my first love) and isn’t necessarily as long-lasting as my ability to speak will most likely be. That could change, but it’s not the case now.

I think it’s more important to me to influence people in a positive way, than it is for me to teach something that I learned in college. I’ll always gladly ramble about Rothko and Warhol’s histories as I walk through the art galleries with whomever I’m with, and give my opinion of art to whomever is asking, but I don’t need to do that in order to feel successful.

To be completely honest, I already feel majorly successful. I don’t need to make a ton of money (even though a bit more would be nice) to feel accomplished. My life is already 10x better than anyone wanted to let me believe it could be. I’ve already won all of the childhood arguments. I’m starting to think it’s a good thing I didn’t get my MFA yet in Art History, Theory and Criticism, although I would still like to do it. It doesn’t feel as time-sensitive now as it did a few years ago, when I was sitting in the financial office of an art college.


That, friends, is where I am mentally on this lovely and clear Sunday evening. I’m also on my balcony.


Posted in: art, life, my work