Craptastic themes in music videos (originally a MOG post, last year)

Posted on 12.03.2011

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I’ve been stuck watching pop videos for the past hour or so as I’m working at home, and I have a serious bone to pick with Xtina and Rihanna.

Look. Ladies, I know that you are totally down for having a badass stage persona and are probably just working on staying ‘on top’ of the competition (in this case, I’m guessing madam Fierce and the Gaga), but we need to talk.

Sit down. I have a serious question to ask you.

Are you actually into girls? Like, playing on the team that plays for the other or at the very least both sides?

No? Really? That’s what I thought (even though I would guess that Rihanna probably goes both ways).

Let’s talk about your recent music videos then: While we are ALL very happy to let you explore whatever questions you might have in your pretty heads about kissing girls and your sexuality, it has:

A: already been done. And not just by Katy Perrry, it was done in the damn 90’s as I remember it by lady Jill Sobule, and most likely well before that. Hello, Madonna? The SEX book? Not even controversial THEN. And that was Madonna.

B: already been done better by the porn industry.

I’m pretty sure there was more ACTUAL girl on girl action in Meat Loaf’s I would do anything for love (But I won’t do that) than these two, combined.

You can feel free to try to “push the envelope” in any way you deem necessary in order to sell records and gain fans, but let’s be honest: your most recent video submissions were crap.

Rihanna: You spend an entire video NOT kissing the other chick, but emulating foreplay and light bondage. Don’t even get me started on your lack of an actual personality.

Xtina: get your own ideas. Was this video revenge on all of the artists you’re convinced are copying you? I counted Madonna, Paula Abdul, Gaga, Goldfrapp, and one sordid crappy porn of a girl being called a kitten and lapping up milk from a saucer among your rips. Tell your crazy fans to calm down, you’re now on the same playing field as everyone accused of stealing your style.

We understand that you’ve gotten rid of the baby weight and are trying to reinsert yourself back into the game, but come ON. A little originality might not kill you.

And both of you: stop making the rest of us look bad: dressing in vinyl, kind of touching women and pretending to be down with bondage does not a bisexual make. It doesn’t even make you different. Just about every chick we know has played this act in their college years, unless they were into missioning for christ. Considering over half of your fans have a vagina, these two videos played more to the typical male fantasy than anything else. Oh! Look at all of this stereotypical sexy stuff we’re doing! Next will be strawberries and whipped cream! I am SO edgy! Bondage is fun!

These two videos were seriously pathetic.

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Oh, and Jason Derulo:

That new song (and video) of yours, In My Head: seriously lame. The whole ‘I’ll be your teacher’ line/act/fantasy is so played out. Not to mention, in the video you’re saying this to a chick wearing copious amounts of Vinyl… and if vinyl says anything (according to Xtina), it’s that she could probably teach you a few things, amirite?

Has anyone else noticed a rise lately in the objectification of women? Not to sound like a feminazi or anything… this has always been the case in the R+B/Rap world, but it seems to be getting a LOT more rampant as of late. Or maybe I’m just paying too much attention to crap pop music. Who knows. One thing remains to be answered: Who’s writing these fricking songs?

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Sorry. I’m in a critical mood today and taking it out on the pop stars. I may have to just stop watching TV for a while.

Your revolution will not happen between these thighs.

 

Posted in: music