How the hell did you sneak onto my friends list?

Posted on 17.09.2009


I started writing this just for you. It’s not going to end that way.

Not naming any names, but I’m sure you will know exactly who you are.

I didn’t actually read your profile or family name until today, and quite honestly I only added you because I saw that you graduated with me and it is my job to keep in touch with you for things like the reunion.

Remember that time in 8th grade when that new girl came and I was assigned to her, and the three of us were a team for about a month, until something happened and in typical middle school, social commentary, women’s studies fashion the two of you decided to make sure no one liked me?

Yeah, that time.

If there was one thing in middle school that happened that I still remember like it was yesterday, it was that incident. There are smaller, less formative things that I remember like my first real kiss, not being allowed to date an awesome guy of another race and fighting my parents about it, manhunt in the neighborhood… but this one really kind of ruined me for a long time. I was not able to have a real, CLOSE, vulnerable friendship with another female for a LONG time. I had some close girlfriends later on, but I never really let anyone back in until well into my college years.

I’m not going to spend this entry wasting my time on how hurt I was, how cruel you and her were, how for a long time none of my ‘friends’ would talk to me because of the things you said (which I still have never heard for myself), how my boyfriend broke up with me because of you, or how I seriously considered killing myself over it.

Nope. Not going to do that. Maybe a little about that last bit, just for a moment.

I am writing this blog to thank the people that rescued me from suicide.
Matt A, Shawn C, Bridget N, Jaime H, Brian R, Jarrett B, Angie L and my sister: Thank you guys, so much for adopting me and being such great, supportive friends while all of that stupid 8th grade bullshit was happening. You might not know this but I was about to kill myself before you started inviting me to hang out with you.

Thank you also to Jackie, Alicia, Amy, Sarah, the Sailor Moon crew and Mary Beth later on for finishing the job and keeping me in the green.

I am who I am because you guys restored my faith in people and in life itself. If it hadn’t been for you, I would have turned out like her or worse. Dead. You made me a better person.

And I guess, per my friend Scott, I should be thanking you too, mean girl, for forcing me to have to become the person that I am. Without your cruelty I would have turned into a carbon copy of you, and it appears that my real friends thoroughly enjoy this slightly more jaded but entirely optimistic person that I have become much more.

So, thanks. Thanks to everyone.

To anyone that I made feel like I did back then, I sincerely apologize. I can assure you that it was not intentional.

Now back to our regularly scheduled lives.