Quitting modeling

Posted on 30.11.2007

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I decided while I was on the model stand last night that I wasn’t going to bother with it for much longer. It’s been 10 years. I’m not going to quite altogether, but I am definitely giving it a rest.

I spoke with U this morning via email and he has already taken down my modeling site. I’ve been getting really tired lately of the new client requests, the TFCD or TFP requests, and the scumbags that are masquerading as ‘artists’ who always seem to shoot erotic nudes or just flat-out porn. If I wanted to do porn, I would have moved to LA and done it already, because I love sex.

I’m about to go over to MM and ME and change my respective profiles on them, if not just to delete them completely. It remains to be seen. I’m going to stick to the clients I have, keep giving out my cards when necessary, and eventually taper off.

I thought about all of this during my poses last night. I was up there for three hours, just thinking.

On one hand, I love being told how beautiful I am (who doesn’t??), but not for the reasons you might expect. It’s refreshing to have people appreciate curves, and it never seems to fail: no matter how badly I see myself, or how upset I am with myself for not hitting the gym or going running, I get on the stand and people tell me I look great. I really appreciate that, and it keeps me from being too hard on myself, even if I do not look like my own twisted ideal of perfection.

On the other hand, modeling is not where I want my art career to go. The time that I invest in modeling could be spent doing design freelance. And I would be charging about the same, and most likely not feeling annoyed or sore later on.

I’ve also noticed that I have been having some real problems with men I don’t know lately. I really have a hard time dealing with people who stand too close to me, or speak when someone else speaking, or tell me what to do. It’s been happening ever since the Crazy-Ass-Stalker debacle, and I’ve begun to notice it much more. Because most of my modeling clients are male (and because I never have this problem with the women), I think its best for me to not take on any new clients. I have serious problems with people invading my personal space.

So, in conclusion to this part.. I think it’s important for me to move away from the things that are not 100% in my ‘plan’ for my life. Modeling was a helpful gig when I took the pay cut to work at the college, but other than that it hasn’t brought me much of anything, except for some nice new acquaintances, exposure to some great art (and some not-so-great art as well), a few great photos, and a lot of experience in dealing with some over-the-top crazies.

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